The Square Nash Edgerton

The Square Nash Edgerton
At a moment of high tension in the Australian suspense-thriller The Square, a character deadpans, "One man points his dick in the wrong direction and here we are." That not only accurately describes the plot of this film, but also how writer/executive producer/star Joel Edgerton probably got this movie financed.

It's Christmas and Ray (David Roberts) is having an extramarital affair with Carla (Claire van der Boom), whose husband Billy (Edgerton) has dirty money stashed in their house. In a scheme to run off together, Ray and Carla pinch the money then hire an arsonist to torch the joint, leaving them free to elope. But well-laid plans go awry (duh) and then anonymous blackmail letters start arriving, à la I Know Who You Arsoned Last Christmas.

Several high-speed chases, fantastic crashes, grotesque murders, shark attacks, lies, sex scenes and house fires later, the (remaining) audience is left wondering if this boring love affair was really worth all that drama. Cross Double Indemnity with Body Heat, take out all the intriguing, suspenseful and provocative elements, and you'll have the core of this derivative morality play.

Director Nash Edgerton does the best he can with his brother's script (great pacing, interesting juxtapositions), but brooding cow David Robert's stone face and Claire van der Boom's vacuousness can't save this Coen Brothers rip-off.

And there is actually a blood-on-his-hands shot. Oh no you di'int! (Alliance)