Silent Venom Fred Olen Ray

Silent Venom Fred Olen Ray
Likely sent into production under the title Snakes on a Submarine, this little low budget gem comes from the man behind such epic titles as Super Ninja Bikini Babes, Emmanuelle 2000 and Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers, and features the acting chops of Mr. Luke Perry and a bemused Tom Berenger. The, um, plot slithers around Dr. Andrea Swanson (Krista Allen), a super-secret, super-foxy government researcher genius developing an anti-venom, and her assistant Jake (Louis Mandylor), as they secretly bring some snake specimens on a military submarine, as per government orders. Dr. Swanson sees no problem with this, as the four poisonous snakes are properly contained, but what she doesn't know is that Jake has tucked away two gigantic mutant snakes that, of course, escape, much to the chagrin of the soon-to-be-retired Lt. Commander James O'Neill (Luke Perry). Meanwhile, a Chinese submarine randomly attacks. What? It goes without saying that the film is terrible in every possible way, with atrocious CGI, repeating dialogue and performances that scream, "Can I go back the craft services area yet?" It is, however, quite funny, at times, with Luke Perry wrestling a giant, motionless rubber snake, and reptiles appearing in unlikely locales. And kudos to Perry and Allen for letting real snakes crawl all over them. The pragmatist might wonder why a routine submarine mission would have body bags to spare, or why the military would transport a research doctor and her assistant on a submarine rather than a plane, but credulity be damned — there are venomous snakes on a submarine and only two doses of anti-venom left. It's hard to understand why exactly movies like this are made, and to figure out just who watches them, but anyone that found Killer Shark, Arachnid or Crocodile awesome might want to check this one out. No special features are included with the DVD but really, why would there be? (Fox)