Read the Wild Script for David Lee Roth's Unmade Film 'Crazy from the Heat'

It follows a rock star named Dave "who travels to the mysterious Dongo Island where he gets into all kinds of kooky capers"
Read the Wild Script for David Lee Roth's Unmade Film 'Crazy from the Heat'
Not long after leaving his post as vocalist of Van Halen in 1985, David Lee Roth sought to finish a film he wrote based on his solo work titled Crazy from the Heat, a production that had been budgeted at $20 million USD by CBS Studios. While the film was never produced, the script still exists.

Believe it or not, the majority of the film's 90-page screenplay is available online to pore over here, as Dangerous Minds points out.

The site notes that the film, which shares its title with Roth's 1985 debut solo EP, follows a rock star named Dave "who travels to the mysterious Dongo Island where he gets into all kinds of kooky capers with his manager Bernie, while surrounded by bikini-clad women."

As Roth explained in his 1997 autobiography — which is also titled Crazy from the Heat — storyboards and costumes for the film had already been completed before CBS pulled the plug. Roth wrote that he then sued the studio and walked away from the project with the director's fee.

A quick command-F of the script reveals the use of the word "schlong," but some dialogue from Roth's character reads as follows:

Love is overrated. I was in love once. Know what I found out? Love means having to say you're sorry every five minutes. Love is playing with yourself while someone is lying next to you, passed out. I'll tell ya — don't worry about women. Overall, I go along with the guy who said, go out and buy some poor sinner a drink and wink at a homely girl. You gotta sail through life with a smile on your mug and a song in your heart.

The current Roth-fronted incarnation of Van Halen last released A Different Kind of Truth in 2012.