'Once Upon a Deadpool': A PG-13 Christmas Poem

'Once Upon a Deadpool': A PG-13 Christmas Poem


Once upon a Deadpool, there was a young merc
Whose love of violence made him very good at his work.
The man's name was Wade, and Vanessa his lady
When they got together, the sex scenes were racy!
 
Wade and Vanessa were engaged to be wed
Until a terminal illness meant that he'd soon be dead.
His illness was cured in a creepy-ass lab
But he offended his captors with his gift of the gab.
 
They made him a mutant, unable to die.
The cruel Ajax tortured him — hey, fuck that guy! 
Wade's body all scarred, he left his fiancée
He put on a mask and became a vigilante.
 
He slaughtered his enemies! He ripped them in half!
He spoke to the camera! Made audiences laugh!
Deadpool 2 was a hit! There was a big fuss! 
There was only one catch: it was 18-plus.
 
That's why the film has been edited clean.
Called Once Upon a Deadpool, it's PG-13!
It's fit for the youth, it isn't as lewd
There's less swearing and gore and folks in the nude.
 
This new version is more than a simple re-edit.
There's another star with his name in the credits!
Fred Savage was the kid in The Princess Bride,
And now he's in Deadpool with his character reprised.
 
So when you're with your family this holiday season,
Round up the kids and make time to squeeze in
A showing of Deadpool, it's good for your heath!
It opens in theatres on December the 12th.