Lesbian Vampire Killers Phil Claydon

Lesbian Vampire Killers Phil Claydon
Any movie called Lesbian Vampire Killers has got to be ridiculous and stupid, and this gleefully juvenile British comedy knows it. It opens with horribly cheesy Bram Stoker's Dracula-style visuals, in which the hurried mythology is explained. Baron Wolfgang McLaren slays Carmilla the Vampire Queen, but not before she lays a curse down that'll turn all of his and his subjects' female descendants into lesbian vampires on their 18th birthdays. In modern times, sad-sack cuckold Jimmy has been dumped by his girlfriend yet again, and his friend Fletch, having just been fired from his clown job for smacking a brat, suggests they go on vacation to take their minds off their woes. Penniless, the duo decides to hitchhike to wherever on a local map a drunken dart throw lands. Thus, our bumbling protagonists end up in the mysterious village of Cragwich. A van load of hotties leaving the local watering hole gets the boys' hopes up, only to be crushed when within is a crusty old men sausage party. The locals are hospitable enough, loading the lads with free booze and directing them to free lodgings after they witness an agitated preacher freaking out with his attractive daughter in toe. Said free lodgings also happen to be where the hottie wagon was headed and soon the two groups join and the-cabin-in-the-woods faux horror comedy commences. The girls (including MyAnna Buring of The Descent) all have wildly different, purposefully horrible European accents and play to laughably broad stereotypes ― the stoner brunette only utters "yaaa" throughout the entire film. Plot isn't the point of LVK; it's all about the snappy, crass dialogue and chemistry between Jimmy and Fletch. James Cordon and Matthew Horne of Gavin & Stacey are great together, the handsome, deadpan straight man and the chunky wild man, respectively. It's very over-the-top, with a cock-handle sword and vamps squirting white fluid instead of becoming dust, and wink after nod to every pop culture vampire trope within radius. A super-cheap Shaun of the Dead with its brain in its dick is the easiest comparison. "Res-Erection" is a very funny look behind the scenes, but most of the other features just recycle these segments or become a pointless montage of clips from the feature. Also included: promotional webisodes, a lame music video and director's commentary. (Alliance)