The Covenant

Fresh actors face a tough row to hoe. Without constant exposure, they’ll never hit the A list, let alone the B or C lists. Then again, when they consistently allow their faces to be attached to some of celluloid’s greatest offences simply for screen time, they might as well flush their careers down the toilet along with yesterday’s catering. Sure, some of Hollywood’s top names must still endure the odd portfolio blemish but with Renny Harlin’s The Covenant, we’re talking shades of grey away from a Showgirls-esque folly. Still, at least Showgirls has cult status on its side. Set in New England, The Covenant revolves around a collection of entirely too rich and pretty teens (everyone has a six pack, even the friggin’ dog) known as the Sons Of Ipswich. Descendents of a 17th Century coven, these four boys on the verge of manhood must fight not only the realisation that using their magic ages them exceedingly rapidly but that a long-forgotten fifth Son has come to claim his place and steal everyone else’s powers, thereby forcing them to use their powers to stop him, cue dramatic pause. Trouble is, who cares? Watching four rich dudes roll around their New England private school in Hummers and convertible Mustangs is so far removed from the reality of the viewers this film strives to entice that it’s more ridiculous than depressing. Not only does Harlin fail to create an iota of interest in his protagonist, but the retread script offers nothing new. Factor in that the biggest boast is that The Covenant comes from the producers of Underworld (which basically means more ludicrous CGI effects than The Hulk) and one can see not only why novice actors were the only option to get this turkey going but how said "talent” may just have joined the coven of the indelibly humiliated "D” list. Slide over, Screech. (Sony)