Cattle Call

The latest flick to further denigrate the already sullied name is Cattle Call, a disastrously executed misogynist piece of bargain bin drivel. In addition to featuring incomplete footage and porn-quality editing, the main trajectory gag involves placing one’s face between big, plastic, ballyhooed boobies and shaking it around. It’s the kind of humour that will only appeal to those who still giggle about the fact that Regina sounds like vagina. The film opens with internet entrepreneur Richie Rey (Thomas Ian Nicholas) expressing dissatisfaction over the quality of women who subscribe to his website, Perfectforme.com. During a rousing game of one-on-one basketball, Richie and his horn ball best bud Sherman Oaks (Andrew Katos) decide to set up a casting session for a fake movie to meet hot chicks who they can love, or perhaps just exploit and insult. Bringing their idiosyncratic buddy Glenn (Diedrich Bader) into the fold, the group set out meeting an endless parade of mommy-bag baring actresses who, amongst other things, discuss how much they like big wieners and can analyse the sound of a man urinating to tell how big his hog is. Inevitably, the guys all meet bizarrely written love interests (Jenny Mollen, Nicole Eggert and Chelsea Handler), who quickly wonder when production is going to start on the film. This is a question the actresses must have pondered in real life while standing around on high-school theatre quality sets while extras looked directly into the camera and sound was improperly recorded. Jenny Mollen actually radiates a charm and charisma that the film is undeserving of, and Nicole Eggert isn’t that bad. It’s just a shame that they couldn’t finagle Yasmine Bleeth or Donna D’Errico into making appearances. The DVD is devoid of any bells or whistles, so home theatre audiences are left with only the magic and whimsy of the film itself.