Blade: Trinity David S. Goyer

Blade: Trinity David S. Goyer
Unfortunately, considering this is most likely the last Blade movie, a number of very important, relevant questions are never addressed, and we may never have answers for them. For example: 1) Why does everyone in the Blade-verse only listen to high-steeping techno/electronic music? 2) What's up with Blade's Gumby-like hair? Seriously, why doesn't someone say something to him? Think of how bad-ass he'd look bald or with dreads. 3) When the hell did Mr. Morissette, Ryan Reynolds (Van Wilder) trade in his concentrated annoyance for insane buff-dom? And 4) Exactly how many times can they kill Kris Kristofferson's Whistler character before that wears thin?

Blade and Blade 2 writer David S. Goyer (who also wrote the screenplay for the upcoming Batman Begins) handles both writing and directing duties for Trinity, and while it's probably the least interesting of the series (lacking the first's energy or the second's gore, creepiness or suspense), it's not a terrible offering. It delivers pretty much what you'd expect from the Blade franchise at this point: lots of disintegrating vampire deaths, lots of Wesley Snipes, as Blade, looking stoic, or painfully trying to interject some humanity into his character, lots of jump-cut martial arts fight scenes, lots of Whistler looking cranky, etc.

For Trinity (a dig at The Matrix? A film that drew some influence, in its look and action at least, from the original Blade), Blade and Whistler are back, still fighting the good (but increasingly hopeless) fight against vampires, while the vampires (this time led by an increasingly odd Parker Posey) attempt to find and awaken Dracula in an attempt to "purify" their race while manoeuvring the FBI into capturing the "sociopath" Blade. It all looks pretty hopeless for Blade (especially after Whistler gets offed, again), but luckily there's a Scooby gang of new fearless vampire killers just around the corner, led by Whistler's daughter (Jessica Biel) and a "reformed" vampire (Ryan Reynolds) to come to his rescue, deliver a super-weapon and get slaughtered by Dracula's Euro-trash incarnation. And don't forget the vampire dogs (WTF!!!) and the climatic finale where Blade battles Dracula. Yeah, maybe Goyer is running a little thin on inspiration.

While many are talking about Trinity being a breakthrough vehicle for pro-wrestler Triple H (Hollywood's still looking for that next action star) and/or the not displeasing to the eyes Jessica Biel, neither of their characters feature much in the way of development, being impressive-looking cardboard cut-outs but little more. Although, Biel's character does feature the most audacious product placement yet, for her iPod no less, which she listens to while fighting (I know, don't even bother discussing the limitations of fighting without hearing). But it is Ryan Reynolds who may benefit the most from Trinity.

Looking insanely buff (we're talking Brad Pitt in Fight Club cut), Ryan's ex-bloodsucker turned vampire killer Hannibal King gets all the best lines of the film (even if some are comedic duds). Coming across as an insanely muscled mix of Xander from Buffy The Vampire Slayer and Jason Lee (circa Mallrats or Chasing Amy), he's the superhero most nerds would become. Not the stoic, black-clad avenger, but the bad-joke cracking, sardonic humour-spewing champ who can kick some ass but not without receiving a whupping.

While the end of Trinity leaves the coffin open for another return, sometimes it's best to let sleeping vampires lie and go out on a medium note. (Alliance Atlantis)