October 21
julius caesar (dying after being stabbed 23 times): please…name a salad after me
— Hippo (@InternetHippo) October 21, 2017
I don't understand people who do things on weekends. You just did things all week. What's next, more things?? That's how they get you
— Kevin Farzad (@KevinFarzad) October 21, 2017
Question for people with jobs: how many times do you get to be accused of sexual harassing a co-worker before losing your job?
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) October 22, 2017
October 22
A guy said I hit his car but I have proof I didn't. Guess I'll pay him 32 million dollars!
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) October 22, 2017
I've been picking apples in the autumn since before it was cool to post about it on Instagram. pic.twitter.com/9hJLCwV6Fc
— Patrick Stewart (@SirPatStew) October 22, 2017
— Dark Stock Photos (@darkstockphotos) October 22, 2017
BREAKING: Husband of Ely, MN's Jessica Biel to perform at Super Bowl https://t.co/SVBpxoQonW pic.twitter.com/hM2kSuOhIH
— City Pages (@citypages) October 23, 2017
My sister asked me to shoot her engagement pics so I hid Pennywise the Clown in every photo. Countdown until she notices. pic.twitter.com/Z7QZPsq2ym
— Jesse McLaren (@McJesse) October 22, 2017
October 23
.@realDonaldTrump 10 accusations of sexual harrasment, for real? There's nothing to grab except your lawyers. Man up by October 31st, pussy.
— Vicente Fox Quesada (@VicenteFoxQue) October 23, 2017
Happy birthday, baby. pic.twitter.com/TysO4F620D
— Blake Lively (@blakelively) October 23, 2017
happy endings on twitter dot com pic.twitter.com/ESVDjT6KBO
— Clu Gabagulagher (@jimpjorps) October 23, 2017
My mom said if the police never did wrong no one would have a song called fuck the police. No one says "fuck the fire department."
— Save Venezuela! 🇻🇪 (@TheQuietfreedom) October 23, 2017
October 24
Kid Rock will not run for senate which must come as a huge relief to democratic hopeful Kid Scissors
— Matt 🎃swalt (@MattOswaltVA) October 24, 2017
Bad news: I accidentally washed a nice wool shirt that I really loved and it shrunk a LOT
— alex tumay (@alextumay) October 24, 2017
Good news: pic.twitter.com/bPN6uji4ws
TRIGGER WARNING: The united states of america
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) October 25, 2017
October 25
I honestly can't tell if I'm depressed or it's just 2017.
— kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) October 26, 2017
If you've made it all the way to the Presidency and you still have to tell people that you're intelligent, you're doing something wrong.
— Touré (@Toure) October 26, 2017
October 26
JFK
— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) October 26, 2017
files delayed
what else do i have to say
Why do we only boycott things? Its 2017 people. Lets start girlcotting some shit and whatnot
— George Wallace (@MrGeorgeWallace) October 26, 2017
Oh look. Donald Trump wrote to @NYMag in 1992. pic.twitter.com/oUPPn1oYXy
— Letters of Note (@LettersOfNote) October 26, 2017
October 27
I would like to submit this video I made to @CernoCreatives. Please accept this and post on your page. Thank you! cc:@Cernovich #GorillaMind pic.twitter.com/3jWAvmUOQR
— Vic Berger IV (@VicBergerIV) October 27, 2017
So good pic.twitter.com/W9IGjATRCw
— Elliott Schwartz (@elliosch) October 27, 2017
