October 28
This year for Halloween I'm giving out Canadian passports.
— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) October 28, 2017
"I am sorry for all the times I stabbed men, just a little, in my previous workplace. After years of counseling, I stopped stabbing men."
— Kate Harding (@KateHarding) October 28, 2017
when you're the superior race but ya brother billy also lookin like a snack in them bootcut levi's pic.twitter.com/njShDZlLN7
— Peter (@OkigboHTX) October 29, 2017
October 29
Have you ever seen Wolf Blitzer do this? Brian Williams? pic.twitter.com/qqBxg3EDir
— Jay Rosen (@jayrosen_nyu) October 29, 2017
me: i need to go to bed
— ☕netw3rk (@netw3rk) October 30, 2017
sports: here's 50 home runs
me: pic.twitter.com/KVOuhm36xR
Buddy's wife caught a World Series home run ball and his friend STOLE IT AND THREW IT BACK! pic.twitter.com/Maaq8zj8Ia
— Will Brinson (@WillBrinson) October 30, 2017
Some people are just better at Halloween than the rest of us. #NYC pic.twitter.com/FCLqH9nqAx
— Meredith Frost (@MeredithFrost) October 29, 2017
Writer: "Is it 'firsthand' or 'first hand'?"
— AJ ⚾️ (@NCSox) October 29, 2017
Editor: "Either one is fine." pic.twitter.com/36xHxrG9q1
October 30
Twitter is gold. pic.twitter.com/mEdvwe0dMt
— Maxember (@chxamaxhc) October 30, 2017
Days to fall to 33% approval rating:
— Brian Klaas (@brianklaas) October 30, 2017
Source: Gallup
Reagan: Never
H.W. Bush: 1,283
Clinton: Never
W. Bush: 1,933
Obama: Never
Trump: 285
Can we stop calling sexual assault a 'sex scandal'? Like if a person stabs someone it's not a 'knife debacle'
— Deirdre (@figgled) October 30, 2017
October 31
I miss the simpler times, when Anthony Scaramucci talked about Steve Bannon sucking his own dick
— Lauren Duca (@laurenduca) October 31, 2017
Oh cool this kid dressed as "Trump voter who lost their health care" pic.twitter.com/UBFqXWlXVr
— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) October 31, 2017
It's the most wonderful time of year: the anniversary of Obama reacting to Pope Baby. pic.twitter.com/dhGLcat4zx
— Aoife Wilson (@AoifeLockhart) October 31, 2017
I just saw a TV reporter pronouncing it as 'aloo akbar' which literally translates to 'potatoes are the greatest' https://t.co/6qLi52fU2y
— Aisha Sultan (@AishaS) October 31, 2017
I'm available to all pundits, anchors, & terror experts to help you figure out how to pronounce Allahu Akbar so you stop praising potatoes
— rabia chaudry (@rabiasquared) November 1, 2017
HI GUYS SARAH HUCKABEE SANDERS THINKS JFK AND KENNEDY WERE TWO DIFFERENT PRESIDENTS HAVE A GREAT AFTERNOON. pic.twitter.com/yfxT9MJw5e
— Amanda Guinzburg (@Guinz) October 31, 2017
November 1
Congratulations to the LA Dodgers for successfully avoiding having to meet the president
— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) November 2, 2017
There is a basketball player with the same name as me. This person is upset with me because of it. pic.twitter.com/7hlugH4QLa
— Aaron W. Gordon (@A_W_Gordon) November 2, 2017
They gave a 3 year old an Ask Me Anything and why am I laughing so much pic.twitter.com/74HcbomkVV
— FutureHendrixFanAcco (@00Exodus) November 1, 2017
This is how my boy friend "took care of me" when I got blacked out lol pic.twitter.com/afHxw7RE2L
— ✨Marissa✨ (@marissanpadilla) November 2, 2017
November 2
i'm going to make this my lock screen pic.twitter.com/8AttHdPkQv
— hannah moskowitz (@hannahmosk) November 3, 2017
Thank god this massive treasonous conspiracy was carried out by idiots.
— Jared Yates Sexton (@JYSexton) November 3, 2017
November 3
I want to see that Twitter employee just show up at work today, George Costanza style, like nothing happened
— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) November 3, 2017
Person Who Bought Position In Government Blames Government For Putting Her In Current Position pic.twitter.com/gCNfklIey7
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 3, 2017
If the press uncovered secret conversations between Trump and DOJ where he pushed the FBI to investigate Hillary, it would be a massive scandal. Watergate-level. But when he tweets it repeatedly, it gets brushed off.
— Tommy Vietor (@TVietor08) November 3, 2017
