February 23
Man i've SEENT IT ALL pic.twitter.com/icQVvspl8B
— Flee Diddy (@King_Lavish) February 23, 2019
are they just going to keep adding billboards every time @aoc does something? do they know how to tweet back? pic.twitter.com/3SKvi6YCL5
— jordan (@JordanUhl) February 23, 2019
There's a good 3.5 minutes left of halftime, Ja Rule is mid-song and Giannis is already out shooting. pic.twitter.com/sPoyVnpI7x
— Malika Andrews (@malika_andrews) February 24, 2019
Christ, all the Mad Libs we did as kids are coming true https://t.co/6hGcOiVcjX
— Matt Oswalt (@MattOswaltVA) February 23, 2019
February 24
HOT TAKE: I think it's weird that the Oscars are usually hosted by a comedian (or people doing comedy bits), given that the Academy rarely recognizes comedy and doesn't even seem to enjoy it much.
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) February 24, 2019
Last one courtesy of @ambermruffin and @jennyhagel - White Savior: The Movie Trailer https://t.co/tpwctvujJk via @YouTube
— Seth Meyers (@sethmeyers) February 24, 2019
FLIGHT ATTENDANT: The pilot is dead! Can anyone fly a plane!?
— Consider John Frazzled (@FrazzleMyGimp) February 24, 2019
ME: I have a pilots license!
[everyone exhales in relief]
ME: I stole it from the pilot after I murdered him.
Green Book? More like the White Pages pic.twitter.com/DjO2dmVnqH
— Ira (@ira) February 25, 2019
February 25
the essence of the Oscars is to give out long-overdue awards to atone for its past mistakes while simultaneously making new mistakes that it will have to atone for decades later
— Amanda Hess (@amandahess) February 25, 2019
The 2019 Oscars. pic.twitter.com/dP60RtoK5J
— Andy Greenwald (@andygreenwald) February 25, 2019
"Black Panther and BlackkKlansmen were cute and all, but step aside and let us show you how to *really* make a movie about Black people."
— Daniel Powell (@danieljpowell) February 25, 2019
-A bunch of white guys
Imagine if they were sending their best. https://t.co/ckf6AMCcXd
— Peter Sagal (@petersagal) February 25, 2019
I'm officially accepting Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper into the lesbian canon due to their exceptional displays of yearning. Yearning is—and I can't stress this enough—canonically lesbian.
— Jill Gutowitz (@jillboard) February 25, 2019
February 26
You should get a purse 👛😊 https://t.co/e5d7AGr1wy
— Reese Witherspoon (@RWitherspoon) February 26, 2019
February 27
tfw you go to eat your hallway pizza and get told you're in the live shot pic.twitter.com/ppkq9PJraO
— Mike Uehlein (@MikeUehlein) February 27, 2019
Podcast listeners: When are you gonna come to [city]??
— Nick Wiger (@nickwiger) February 27, 2019
Also podcast listeners: Ugh another live episode
In the past Trump hid from Vietnam in America and now he's hiding from America in Vietnam.
— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) February 27, 2019
kid sat RIGHT back down pic.twitter.com/k8lkUwAyq6
— 🚁Sky Wob🚁 (@WorldWideWob) February 27, 2019
February 28
i guess trump is now going to call himself a war hero bc he was shot down in hanoi.
— Kathy (Checks & Balances Bitchezzz🤣) Hays (@everybodyzzmama) February 28, 2019
Weezer fans: Please, just write good songs!
— who pixelates the boatmen? (@pixelatedboat) March 1, 2019
Rivers Cuomo: Fuck you. Our new album is called "Memes" and Damn Daniel plays slide whistle on every track
March 1
Jake, I was the woman and I'm not pregnant you piece of shit pic.twitter.com/AuQVXe5xCg
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) March 1, 2019
[before the invention of electricity]
— M@thew (@TweetPotato314) March 1, 2019
judge: I sentence you to death by the acoustic chair
Trying to pinpoint the exact moment when society decided, "Okay, that's enough ninja movies."
— Macaulay Culkin (@IncredibleCulk) March 1, 2019
