June 1
There has never been a better thread. Ever. I would buy this as a book and give it to everyone. https://t.co/S47oRhbH8L
— Jennifer Gunter (@DrJenGunter) June 1, 2019
When Ben Affleck was announced as Batman I was in SF in an Uber & I called my dad & said, "this probably won't make any sense to you but open twitter & type the following joke & tweet it." And he said "what" and I said "we don't have time for this. I promise people will get it" https://t.co/Okn3ySUaRy
— Ben Dreyfuss (@bendreyfuss) June 1, 2019
thinking about her pic.twitter.com/RTiNPu635o
— 🤠 j (@cowboyenergy) June 1, 2019
You can't not watch this at least 17 times pic.twitter.com/uOocwa64tk
— Hassan Hassan (@hxhassan) June 2, 2019
Living the life pic.twitter.com/9ZcYfO5nV9
— Cats 🐈 (@bestcataccount) June 1, 2019
my favorite lifehack is NYC residents who follow the "your dog must fit in a bag to ride the subway" rule on the slimmest technicalities possible pic.twitter.com/O7ZTprwNWk
— Christopher Sebela (@xtop) June 1, 2019
June 2
This is... the funniest thing I've seen in a while? pic.twitter.com/Y37JyLwTYf
— Paul F. Tompkins (@PFTompkins) June 2, 2019
Whoa! They cut to Obama, and I read his lips and he was asking about Toronto's indie choir scene.
— Michael A. Balazo (@mbalazo) June 3, 2019
I love how everyone hates Toronto, and then the Raptors make the NBA finals and there's a Jurassic park Bobcaygeon or whatever.
— Nadia S (@madhatressTO) June 2, 2019
Fire Doctor Burnout https://t.co/ZSBs2LWDtY
— Ryan Pequin (@ryanpequin) June 3, 2019
My cat wakes me up every morning (and at 4:30 AM sharp) by playing my guitar pic.twitter.com/A5d3SXfgr3
— c b c 🍓 (@chelseybcoombs) June 2, 2019
Wow, @realDonaldTrump
— Jon Cryer (@MrJonCryer) June 3, 2019
Isn't this crazy?
Barack Obama is getting a standing ovation at a public event full of average joes.
Not some rally full of self-selected zombified cultists.
But a random gathering of people who didn't even know he was gonna be there.
Wow. https://t.co/LVJWEMNLTe
How are his pants hiked halfway to his armpits and still four inches too long? How? pic.twitter.com/mk73bqUwSt
— Kevin M. Kruse (@KevinMKruse) June 3, 2019
June 3
There's a guy here to fix my washing machine and he's watching a "how to" video on YouTube. Doesn't even have headphones in. I doubt we have more than ten good years left on this planet.
— Dena Jackson (@actiondjack) June 3, 2019
Knew I shouldn't have invited @Drake to the @Jeopardy taping.
— James Holzhauer (@James_Holzhauer) June 3, 2019
I like your new Twitter avatar, James! pic.twitter.com/VeoaAxiMVs
— Al Yankovic (@alyankovic) June 4, 2019
Hey @realDonaldTrump, we read the story about the sailors on a US warship being ordered to hide from you because you're triggered by the name on their hats. So we turned Madame Tussaud's into a giant USS John McCain baseball cap. Welcome to London! pic.twitter.com/KuynOwupFm
— Led By Donkeys (@ByDonkeys) June 3, 2019
Spot the difference. pic.twitter.com/e95kTD1TFw
— Andrew Weinstein (@Weinsteinlaw) June 3, 2019
You do realize that there are only scale models of the Enterprise??? https://t.co/kCRY1R1ICb
— William Shatner (@WilliamShatner) June 4, 2019
Kawhi is a psychopath. pic.twitter.com/c4ktQokPu5
— ™️Marcus (@TheMisterMarcus) June 4, 2019
The President of the United States, Donald Trump, falling asleep as Her Majesty The Queen delivers her State banquet speech...pic.twitter.com/EdXh15XMre
— Benjamin Wareing (@BenjaminWareing) June 3, 2019
June 4
Win or lose at least the Toronto Raptors know they have healthcare.
— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) June 4, 2019
neil young is currently en route to steal your girl pic.twitter.com/A4KIKYGhH2
— crazy for (don) swayze (@maggieserota) June 4, 2019
If you didn't want me to get drunk in your bank, you shouldn't have given it the same slogan as Cheers. pic.twitter.com/7S2UHcVFXG
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) June 4, 2019
Trump said he was greeted by thousands in the UK, but they were actually thousands of protesters. How does he always hear the opposite of the truth? Donald, if you're reading this you SHOULD NOT slam your dick in a door!
— Bette Midler (@BetteMidler) June 4, 2019
Bette Midler has was won 3 Emmys, 3 Grammys, and 1 Tony award.
— Roland Scahill (@rolandscahill) June 5, 2019
Trump couldn't even win the popular vote.
isn't a straight pride parade just traffic
— lil arab (@sweatyhairy) June 4, 2019
*creating hannibal lecter*
— Ben Rosen (@ben_rosen) June 5, 2019
what if frasier ate people
if you had told '90s me that richard marx and smashmouth were gonna have clearer public stances on bigotry in 2019 than half of the punks in my direct orbit I would have uh
— jes skolnik (@modernistwitch) June 5, 2019
definitely not believed you
but here we are
June 5
dr: we had to remove your colon
— m@thew (@TweetPotato314) June 5, 2019
me why
I would leave the earth if Beyonce looked this ready to smack me https://t.co/Yaf4JKeMhN
— KB (@KaraRBrown) June 6, 2019
Paul Pierce just admitted that he wasn't hurt when he was taken off the court in a wheelchair 11 years ago today.
— Complex Sports (@ComplexSports) June 6, 2019
He just had to use the bathroom. 💀 pic.twitter.com/8ld2Ja0eYG
"I just had to go to a bathroom."@paulpierce34 admits the only reason he left the 2008 Finals in a wheelchair was to go to the bathroom 😂 pic.twitter.com/oIUXgzDzT7
— ESPN (@espn) June 6, 2019
This Important University Professor would like me to take over making his podcast *for free* because he does not have the time!!! pic.twitter.com/VpWYRHJvhZ
— katie jensen (@katiejensen) June 5, 2019
June 6
so, some sort of national socialist party? ah, https://t.co/2dwyw29hve
— Emma Roller (@emmaroller) June 6, 2019
Tomi talking about how much hatred there is against the straight pride parade and she shows tweets like this to make her point lol pic.twitter.com/dnDWF7EH3Y
— Wild Geerters (@classiclib3ral) June 6, 2019
As a former Irish bar employee, what Eric is holding there is what we would refer to as a "get the fuck out" beer. https://t.co/GgfyhSvo7Q
— Cash Hartzell (@cashhartz) June 6, 2019
predicted this joke a year ago pic.twitter.com/YakHvGzBq5
— google rat king (@prophethusband) June 6, 2019
June 7
I want to be the first man to choke to death in Toronto's Garfield-themed restaurant and then have a Garfield-themed funeral.
— Michael A. Balazo (@mbalazo) June 7, 2019
Twitter is fun because you get to be like, "Ducks are good" and someone in your mentions will go, "Um, I'm sorry but my brother is married to a duck scientist and this is a harmful view" and then someone else pops up going, "Your silence about horses is extremely telling"
— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) June 7, 2019
Uh... @BillNye you wanna take this one or should we? https://t.co/kAgBA94tLy
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) June 7, 2019
Days before the Kawhi trade, McDonald's promised to hand out free fries whenever the Raptors hit 12 three-pointers. They figured they'd give away 700,000 medium fries in the season. Instead, it was 2 million. That's $5.8M in french fries. https://t.co/JQU1LYaUqT
— Jake Edmiston (@jakeedmiston) June 7, 2019
Doris Doris Doris Doris ask him what the board man does Doris
— Katie Nolan (@katienolan) June 8, 2019
REGRETS
— Joel Embiid (@JoelEmbiid) June 8, 2019
Successful business trip to the Bay Area. #WeTheNorth pic.twitter.com/sliFFMJJCF
— Toronto Raptors (@Raptors) June 8, 2019
Always be ready to play pic.twitter.com/labfgP2HEu
— Kawob Leonard (@WorldWideWob) June 8, 2019
