June 23
Getting politely asked to leave a restaurant for human rights crimes still beats getting the cops called on you for existing, no?
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) June 23, 2018
White folks call 911 like it's customer service
— Jason (@JayOhAye) June 23, 2018
I grew up so poor our dog could only get one rabie.
— George Wallace (@MrGeorgeWallace) June 24, 2018
June 24
GUYS.
— Rachel Harper (@Rachel__Harper) June 24, 2018
For the past two years the ticket man at my station has baffled me. Some days we get on like a house on fire, chatting about life. Other days he won't even return a hello...turns out to be a pair of identical twins who both work there.
TWO SEPERATE MEN.
TWO YEARS GUYS.
LATE NIGHT HOST MOST LIKELY TO GET INTO FIGHT WITH TRUMP
— Matt Oswalt (@MattOswaltVA) June 25, 2018
1) Jimmy Kimmel
2) Samantha Bee
3) Seth Myers
4) Stephen Colbert
5) John Oliver
6) Trevor Noah
7) lady who does Dump Cakes infomercials
8) Carson Daly
9) Bewitched rerun
10) test patterns
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75) Jimmy Fallon
My Nana asked me how to Instagram and girl I think the fuck NOT. We let your generation on Facebook for 5 mins and got a Brexit and Trump. Nah, you lot better stick to Hotmail before we all die in this bitch.
— Camilla Blackett (@camillard) June 24, 2018
June 25
Yeah one got erected just the other day it's called my dick https://t.co/VlV5b2hx68
— The Hubris Guy (@fungumchum) June 25, 2018
Please look at this mug my coworker found at a gift shop in Nova Scotia pic.twitter.com/jhFTbgzUSS
— tess (@nice_plane) June 25, 2018
If you think that Mexico is only sending drug dealers and rapists,
— (((edelweisspirat)))🌊 #GeneralStrike (@crandallgold) June 25, 2018
but also worry that Mexicans are going to take your job...
What the fuck do you do for a living?
June 26
If anyone asks I'm Canadian.
— God (@TheTweetOfGod) June 26, 2018
But if Harley Davidson goes away, how will retired dentists in my neighborhood wake me up on Saturdays?
— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) June 27, 2018
when u finally get circumcised https://t.co/WbzZ7ISC8x
— •nephilite (@aschoIar) June 26, 2018
Actually, I think a much better microcosm of why Trump won is how we learned last week that Trump is caging and torturing children, and the media's top focus one week later is whether liberals protesting it are being too rude. https://t.co/AyfgGgHIpN
— Matthew Chapman (@fawfulfan) June 26, 2018
First *man.*@MiaHamm did it first. https://t.co/CLNhhyNAjI
— Liz OCG 🌺 (@evgennari) June 26, 2018
June 27
2018 in the streets, 1958 in the Supreme Court seats.
— George Wallace (@MrGeorgeWallace) June 27, 2018
In hindsight, maybe it was a mistake for America to pick a legal system that depends on particular old people dying at the right time
— popular comedy account "the pixelated boat" (@pixelatedboat) June 27, 2018
hot couple looking for a third. no sex play u just have to decide where we go eat
— baber (@bakerbakerbaker) June 27, 2018
I've heard horrible stories about 2018 grandpa what were you doing to stop the darkness
— Saladin Ahmed (@saladinahmed) June 28, 2018
::pokes fire with stick:: well child I fought tooth and nail to make sure there were fewer ladies in space wizard movies
Every woman I know has been storing anger for years in her body and it's starting to feel like bees are going to pour out of all of our mouths at the same time.
— Erin Keane (@eekshecried) June 28, 2018
Your hometown Zanesville, Ohio has a higher crime rate than New York City. https://t.co/HizbJM1szc
— maple cocaine (@historyinflicks) June 27, 2018
June 28
This new Drake song is 🔥🔥🔥🔥 pic.twitter.com/SyGd3bBCwH
— popular comedy account "the pixelated boat" (@pixelatedboat) June 29, 2018
Don't watch Coco on a plane. I was told this, I did it anyway. A stranger watched me sob like a baby. Don't watch Coco on a plane.
— Ashley Nicole Black (@ashleyn1cole) June 28, 2018
NFL suspensions:
— Michael David Smith (@MichaelDavSmith) June 28, 2018
1 game: Josh Brown repeatedly terrorizes his ex-wife
3 games: Jameis Winston sexually assaults an Uber driver
4 games: Tom Brady asks ball boys to underinflate footballs
16 games: Martavis Bryant uses marijuana
June 29
It's nice to know women will always have access to a free abortion so long as they get pregnant by a married Republican congressman.
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) June 29, 2018
I put up notices all over our apartment lobby saying they had closed our pool permanently from lack of use. People started complaining & they had to put up a notice telling residents not to joke about having a pool as it causes problems for mgmt to explain there is no pool.
— pete johansson (@petejohansson) June 29, 2018
Sorry websites, I prefer to get my news the old fashioned way: With a bunch of other people crowded around the window of a store that sells TVs and the TVs are on even if the store is closed.
— Jordan_Morris (@Jordan_Morris) June 29, 2018
I N T E R N E T pic.twitter.com/bLoFzQpnCD
— Bootleg Stuff (@Bootleg_Stuff) June 30, 2018
