June 15
it should cost at least $20 to ask a woman what her tattoo means
— que cera cera (@axtang) June 15, 2019
I cannot stop watching this video of Emma Stone and Maya Rudolph singing call your girlfriend a capella pic.twitter.com/DlScj5AYVc
— Woke But Petty (@marcformarc) June 15, 2019
My Netflix prank show idea:
— 🏳️🌈 JOH-ee ❤️💜💙 (@JustJoeyJoeyJo) June 15, 2019
Women agreeing to meet up with the guys that send them unsolicited dick pics, but when the guy arrives, its actually their mother waiting for them.
Lakers get:
— Adam McKay (@GhostPanther) June 16, 2019
Anthony Davis
Pelicans get:
Lonzo Ball
Brandon Ingram
Josh Hart
3 first round draft picks
Anyone in LA county with a 40 inch vertical.
Langer's Deli
Movie at Disney "Pierre the Pelican Down Under" w/Pierre voiced by Kevin James
Kobe goes into HOF in a Pelicans jersey
My guys! Kawhi kills me pic.twitter.com/oiKFPnlCBX
— M. (@MSlickk) June 15, 2019
I bet the guy who named all the rappers is just tall
— m@thew, not a cauliflower enthusiast (@TweetPotato314) June 16, 2019
what a damn season pic.twitter.com/XsJqqHaxO3
— Rob Perez (@WorldWideWob) June 15, 2019
June 16
happy fathers day! here is a full minute of my dad starting his voicemails by telling me what time it is: pic.twitter.com/riJq1kyXFc
— Lizzie Logan (@lizzzzzielogan) June 16, 2019
Shelbyville ass family https://t.co/VSouCdaL4k
— Sarah Hagi (@geekylonglegs) June 16, 2019
1/ This Father's Day, I compiled the most on-brand anecdotes of my dad, who is basically an Asian Ron Swanson. Thread: pic.twitter.com/zlB244clSl
— Kane (@kane) June 16, 2019
Happy Fathers Day to this dog and this dog only https://t.co/NaQurxSkpx
— Marcella Arguello (@marcellacomedy) June 17, 2019
Every Father's Day I think about the time I jokingly asked my 4 year-old daughter if she was going to get me a "World's Best Dad" mug. "Nope," she said gravely. "I haven't met all the dads in the world."
— RM (@dorsalstream) June 16, 2019
The Raptoooooooooooooors!
— Toronto Raptors (@Raptors) June 17, 2019
🎨: jazzalba.jpg/IG pic.twitter.com/rkv4EJy6AU
And slaves. Can't forget the slaves. https://t.co/bwaPQy61lv
— Matthew A. Cherry 🏁 (@MatthewACherry) June 16, 2019
... entertainment porpoises. https://t.co/2zeJciQniQ
— Jemaine Clement (@AJemaineClement) June 17, 2019
It is impossible to say "there's someone in here" in a non-psychotic way when someone knocks on the bathroom door
— Molly (@Molly_Kats) June 17, 2019
June 17
ahead of pride month Trump's administration put a ban on embassy's flying pride flags.
— elijah daniel (@elijahdaniel) June 17, 2019
so as of today, I am now the owner of Hell, Michigan. I bought the whole town.
And my first act as owner, I have renamed my town to Gay Hell, MI.
The only flags allowed to fly are pride. pic.twitter.com/AKOcZm2Jvm
Hey, OJ, it's Norm. Listen, be careful about the videos you put out there. I recognize the golf course behind your house I know that exact street and could easily print your address. Of course I never would, but others would. Be careful, Juice. https://t.co/NxKGGGUKCE
— Norm Macdonald (@normmacdonald) June 17, 2019
Wowww just had to unfollow OJ. He's funny on twitter but give him a google and you will NOT like him anymore
— Caleb Synan (@calebsynan) June 17, 2019
When you're on house arrest but the Raptors are in a parade pic.twitter.com/r0WEWVtxR8
— Katherine (@kathayles) June 17, 2019
Toronto booing Doug Ford during the Raptors Championship Celebration is a Heritage Moment
— Zach Hajas (@zachhajas) June 17, 2019
KAWHI DID THE LAUGH pic.twitter.com/nAX6LZ2IoO
— Rob Perez (@WorldWideWob) June 17, 2019
"Hey Sarah can you sync up Kawhi's laugh with the bounces from the Game 7 game winner?" pic.twitter.com/VPzFLVtojZ
— Sarah Jenkins (@sarahjenkinsxo) June 17, 2019
Masai Ujiri not giving a flying f*ck who Doug Ford is just made my day. #onpoli #DougFord #RaptorsParade #Raptors pic.twitter.com/4UpAvvncy2
— Adam Lockett (@AdamLockett34) June 17, 2019
US soccer midfielder Julie Ertz visited by husband, who also plays a sport https://t.co/0AG2IdUyv7
— ryan teague beckwith (@ryanbeckwith) June 17, 2019
I love that part of Twitter today is "kid uses n-word willfully and egregiously and records himself doing so but since he can't go to Harvard now we should feel bad for him." Lemme just say on behalf of my entire black American lineage...LOL. Suck a dick.
— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) June 17, 2019
Sad day. Rejected from Harvard just because I started my application letter with "What up you chowder-eating fucks" ☹️
— pixelatedboat aka "mr tweets" (@pixelatedboat) June 18, 2019
you can tell how sad someone was at school by how much they attached themselves onto their English teachers for a sense of stability
— Bella Biddle (@simsalabella) June 17, 2019
yoooo you're supposed to be on time to work EVERY DAY???? every SINGLE day??? unrealistic
— Rebecca O'Neal (@becca_oneal) June 17, 2019
June 18
Are you one of those people who make things harder than they need to be? pic.twitter.com/Zl06yZrOgL
— Paul Bronks (@SlenderSherbet) June 18, 2019
wanna be rich enough so i can hold my laptop like this pic.twitter.com/Ewvu7vsrJf
— Amanda Rosenberg (@AmandaRosenberg) June 18, 2019
Marc admitting he's smashed beside the Prime Minister is the championship level of belligerency I strive to have all summer. #rtz https://t.co/3xhiDWR7nL
— Talking Raptors (@TalkingRaptors) June 19, 2019
Okay Toronto, enough celebrating. Get back to making Kim's Convenience.
— Dave Shumka (@daveshumka) June 18, 2019
bro the first few weeks of pokémon go was the closest we've ever been to world peace
— gharieth (@hmtfu) June 19, 2019
U OK HUN? pic.twitter.com/zyXwUDLpaD
— Phil Mathers (@hairydoughnut) June 19, 2019
do people even hear themselves pic.twitter.com/E7PBq8JwMd
— Iván Brandon (@IvanBrandon) June 18, 2019
At the rate I am now convinced I have been breathing all wrong pic.twitter.com/fpyRCRTdwm
— Proxcey ✪ (@ItsProxcey) June 18, 2019
June 19
So I noticed @Google didn't create a doodle for #Juneteenth2019. So I decided to help out. pic.twitter.com/DZGRVKZo0F
— Davian Chester (@Real_Toons) June 19, 2019
AOC: Close Concentration Camps!
— Qasim Rashid, Esq. (@QasimRashid) June 19, 2019
GOP: Study history—they're NOT Concentration Camps
Historians: Yes they are
GOP: No—ask Japanese
Japanese: Yes they are
GOP: No—ask Jews
Jews: Yes they are
GOP: No—we simply detain large numbers of refugees under armed guard
Dictionary: 🤔 pic.twitter.com/reh0x5NuHu
please enjoy these heavily cropped photos of a friend of mine who works at a bat sanctuary carrying bats around in her pocket pic.twitter.com/Qro9X0YQhd
— thomas violence (@thomas_violence) June 19, 2019
Last night Trump unveiled his fresh new platform for 2020 pic.twitter.com/3yQfVTTEKT
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) June 19, 2019
couldn't sleep because I realized winnie the pooh and jack the ripper have the same middle names
— Sarah Beattie (@nachosarah) June 19, 2019
June 20
Can everyone in Toronto leave this man alone please https://t.co/2E7lmYaSZU
— Cadence Weapon (@cadenceweapon) June 20, 2019
Oh shit. Justin coughed!!!!!! pic.twitter.com/IwInx2gRy7
— Nemesis (@timberjack2004) June 20, 2019
Her: "he's probably out cheating on me"
— Drewflocka (@drewflocka2) June 20, 2019
Me with the boys: pic.twitter.com/2hEoa06O13
People talk about caterpillars becoming a butterflies as though they just go into a cocoon, slap on wings, and are good to go.
— Jennifer Wright (@JenAshleyWright) June 21, 2019
Caterpillars have to dissolve into a disgusting pile of goo to become butterflies.
So if you're a mess wrapped up in blankets right now, keep going.
The menu at IHOP is a challenging postmodern text pic.twitter.com/9yhtbZVfNH
— Steve Hely (@helytimes) June 20, 2019
Every man in comedy has whatever the opposite of imposter syndrome is.
— Natasha Leggero (@natashaleggero) June 21, 2019
June 21
i don't even speak french but this transcends language https://t.co/VZiLL1oZu7
— kim ☭ (@commiekimmie9) June 21, 2019
First question RJ Barrett is asked at his introductory Knicks press conference: "Do you have big enough shoulders to carry this franchise?"
— Rob Perez (@WorldWideWob) June 21, 2019
Welcome to New York, kid. pic.twitter.com/mXUDK38eXM
MAGA folks don't want America to look like diverse & culturally complex cities. Yet, for vacation, that's exactly where they go to escape their boring towns.
— Hari Kondabolu (@harikondabolu) June 21, 2019
Toronto: Please take the energy you have for stalking Kawhi Leonard and channel it into spotting Ontario cabinet ministers in public and booing them.
— Evan Munday (@idontlikemunday) June 21, 2019
Finally, a child who plays without a cell phone! 😁 pic.twitter.com/OtO0IyB0I9
— Jesus Chrysler (@JesusChrysler15) June 21, 2019
Call me crazy, but President Accused of Rape By Well Known Writer seems like the very definition of news? It's somewhat odd to me that it is not being covered in many places.
— Chris Hayes (@chrislhayes) June 21, 2019
Anyway- Here's the opening to Cheers but with Pennywise the Clown hidden in every photograph. pic.twitter.com/FjCrv2PJCg
— Jesse McLaren (@McJesse) June 21, 2019
