"Remember when I choked on a pretzel, Jeb?"— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) February 21, 2016
"Please not now, George."
"They made me president twice."
"I dressed like a fighter pilot"
Can we all agree this is the greatest 3-tweet story in the history of Twitter? pic.twitter.com/mmUpr6JRhc— Aman Batheja (@amanbatheja) February 21, 2016
It's fine, Kesha will get justice in 10-20 years when a male comic finally speaks out against her rapist.— Rhea Butcher (@RheaButcher) February 19, 2016
Scharpling & Wurster on THE SIMPSONS, March 13th. No joke. pic.twitter.com/UcdsTBxjJD— scharpling (@scharpling) February 24, 2016
I spend the first half hour of every Pixar movie trying not to get attached to characters and guessing which one is going to die— Twitnter Is Coming (@OhNoSheTwitnt) February 25, 2016
This is the most specific report of all time. https://t.co/7B1KinyhTm— Ian Karmel (@IanKarmel) February 25, 2016
Trump demanding an apology is like me demanding Rosario Dawson fart on my Honey Nut Cheerios. Not happenin' buddy!— rob delaney (@robdelaney) February 26, 2016
These Donald Trump rallies are getting out of control. pic.twitter.com/2Ezp3mcIvL— Warren Holstein (@WarrenHolstein) February 25, 2016