December 16
my dog got a haircut and now it looks like he gave up drinking. pic.twitter.com/ROatm9cl6v
— Morgan Murphy (@morgan_murphy) December 17, 2017
LMFAOOOOOO Ajit Pai takin L's💀💀💀💀💀 pic.twitter.com/l22v6Ic27h
— Roach Nigga (@roach_nigga) December 17, 2017
everyone's reactions when kate winslet started talking about working with woody allen lol pic.twitter.com/XUdFcFWfD6
— gabi (@harleivy) December 17, 2017
December 17
One of the things about star wars is some of the guys are named stuff like zapquan jabbazoop and then another guys name will be like Greg Spaceship.
— joe bell (@JoeBeII) December 17, 2017
Guy: This Moon Pie sucks
— Alex, but online (@Alex_but_online) December 17, 2017
Customer Service 2005:[hand written letter] We've reimbursed you in full and here's a coupon for your trouble
Customer Service 2017:[tweeting] Get your corn cob lookin ass offline before they miss you at the farmers market
We're watching Rudolph, & to be fair, that nose is pretty fucked up
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) December 18, 2017
Imagine needing three separate ghosts to teach you a lesson
— rachel andelman (@rajandelman) December 18, 2017
This is a real picture of the President of the United States, today. pic.twitter.com/l6fK5I2Cwa
— Daniel Kibblesmith ⛄️⚔️🦖 (@kibblesmith) December 17, 2017
Every old person used to say "too much TV will rot your brain" but then watched 16 hours of Fox News everyday and now they think Obama sold power armor to ISIS
— Jules (@Julian_Epp) December 17, 2017
December 18
Roy Moore still hasn't admitted that he lost the election last week
— Ben Wexler (@mrbenwexler) December 18, 2017
Which maybe tells you a little something about his other denials
WOODY ALLEN: Jazz is the only good music
— Mara "Get Rid of the Nazis" Wilson (@MaraWilson) December 19, 2017
ALSO WOODY ALLEN: There are no black people in my movies
Them: wrestling is fake bro
— SPHA (@RealSpha100) December 18, 2017
Me: you lying, wrestling is real
Wrestling: pic.twitter.com/cgFftpKFNR
Sex so good you knock Alan out of a tree while he's having his dinner. pic.twitter.com/JHlv3iG24c
— Paul Bronks (@BoringEnormous) December 18, 2017
IF YOU SPRINT INTO THE WOODS ON DECEMBER 31ST AT SUNDOWN YOU WILL FORGET THAT TIME EVER MATTERED TO YOU BY MIDNIGHT
— NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) December 19, 2017
KEEP RUNNING
YOU ARE FINALLY FREE
Hall of President Trump but with the Access Hollywood Tape audio. pic.twitter.com/WFDV0ncJMv
— Dusty (@DustinGiebel) December 18, 2017
December 19
ME AT THE START OF 2017 VS ME NOW pic.twitter.com/ydZsTNNAjT
— Tussauds Orlando (@TussaudsOrlando) December 19, 2017
Me: *accidentally types url wrong one time*
— Mark Magark (@markedly) December 19, 2017
Navigation Bar: [every day for 15 years] Do you wanna go to Faceboot today? Huh? You wanna visit a boot with a face on it? Huh, you piece of shit? Is that what you wanna do? Moron.
my neighbor just told me about an alien sighting he had that was just a regular southwest boeing 737 in the sky but he said he could see into the cockpit with binoculars and there was an alien flying it
— slick (@dlicj) December 19, 2017
when I said I wanted a freak in the sheets I meant someone who's crazy good with Excel
— paperwash© (@PaperWash) December 19, 2017
What is happening here. pic.twitter.com/jqu4RlHgCD
— Je Suis NC45 (@Omgitstamz) December 20, 2017
When he did the impression of his white friend I freakin lost ittttt lmaoooo 💀😂😂😂 this shit will never get old pic.twitter.com/Cl5cl6UgQK
— gina $$ (@ActuallyGina) December 19, 2017
Not Quite Profiles in Courage:@SenatorCollins said she'd oppose the bill if it cut taxes for millionaires. It does@SenBobCorker said he'd oppose it if it increases the deficit. It does. @JeffFlake said he'd oppose the bill unless he got ironclad pledges on DACA. He didn't.
— Steven Greenhouse (@greenhousenyt) December 19, 2017
Dear big girls
— honey bun (@spoonfulofassss) December 20, 2017
Don't be afraid to get on top
If he dies he dies 🤷🏽♀️
December 20
"If I had to rate the show I would say the coked out woman was the funniest"- conversation I over heard after a show while I was waking in front of three people. I turned around and said "I'm actually not on coke". Best compliment I've had.
— Steph Tolev (@StephTolev) December 21, 2017
After centuries, we are finally seeing evolution. pic.twitter.com/acAFwZ0Pxp
— memes 🎄 (@memeprovider) December 21, 2017
He loves watching scary movies, except for the scary parts. pic.twitter.com/E0kwwlxIdt
— Clint Falin (@ClintFalin) December 20, 2017
December 21
Top night last night, but this has to be the highlight 😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/yMqDvOoVML
— James Gower (@__gower) December 21, 2017
Gender neutral guide
— obi (@ThaJawn) December 21, 2017
Fireman = Firefighter
Policeman = Policefighter
Mailman = Mailfighter
Fisherman = Fisherfighter
Joseph: no rooms? Dude she's about to give birth to humanity's savior
— christ(ho)mas🎄 (@Barknado69) December 21, 2017
Innkeeper: sorry we get really busy around Christmas time
Joseph: around what time
Annual reminder to parents: unpack your kids' console before wrapping it and run the required updates. Servers needed for updates typically crash 🎄 morning. pic.twitter.com/xu3mNGe4Bi
— Alexander Sliwinski (@Sliwinski) December 21, 2017
carrie fisher in an interview with larry king (1990) pic.twitter.com/Gepu3t22xh
— 🍷 (@bleuvaIentine) December 21, 2017
Rudolph the red nosed reindeer reminds me of how we wouldn't let my neighbor Kevin play with us until we figured out he could squeeze his deformed arm into vending machines.
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) December 21, 2017
December 22
Last CLOSER LOOK of the year! https://t.co/CPvH9sckyZ
— Seth Meyers (@sethmeyers) December 22, 2017
I am having an accident pic.twitter.com/A522sy1Cgf
— Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) December 22, 2017
