This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: August 26, 2016

Striking a Tori Amos pose, giraffe solidarity, one last crack at Harambe and Lochte, plus we're all gonna dice this week in funny tweets.

August 19

Me: I want a dice.
Clerk: The correct term is 'die'.
Me: I want 2 die.
Clerk: Plural is dice, alone it's die.
Me: I want 2 die alone.

— Steve vs Ninjas (@stevevsninjas) August 19, 2016

August 20

Don't call me boo you're appropriating ghost culture

— Tranquila (@LUSHHFOREVER) August 20, 2016

August 21

"What do we want?"

"Autocorrect to stop making us look stupid by changing simple words in our text."

"When do we want it?"

"Not!"

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) August 21, 2016

 
August 22

I'm stuck somewhere between having it together & some assembly required.

— Freud's Tombstone (@Freudstombstone) August 23, 2016

August 23

Bored? Inject some drama into your day with a Tori Amos situation-altering posture. On the bus, the toilet, at work— pic.twitter.com/Hpcx0ELh4y

— Kristin (@FeralCrone) August 23, 2016

waiter: welcome to twitter. chef's special today is medium well harambe jokes.

me: can i get it well done?

waiter: no such thing.

— BJ🐶✌🏽 (@iamburtjarvis) August 23, 2016

August 24

"Ryan Lochte? I haven't heard that name in years," states Ryan Lochte, boldly lighting the wrong end of a cigarette

— Mayor P (@punmagnate) August 24, 2016

August 25

ME: I want to ring the bell
MANAGER: We don't actually have one
ME: *slides over counter and grabs mic* TACO BELL IS A TACO OF LIES

— Floyd (@dafloydsta) August 25, 2016

August 26

The Giraffe is the Zoo animal I'm most sad for, constantly being able to see the way out.

— Mark Forward (@MarkForwardd) August 26, 2016