What do you think of when you think of Canada?
TP: Kraft Dinner and Tim Hortons.
MS: Peameal bacon. Is that what it's called? I really do think about the little weird food differences. Like fries with gravy. Exactly the same food, but just one little thing is different on the menu.
TP: (pulls out driver's license) What do you call this? I went to two different places today shopping and I handed them my credit card and someone called it something that I've never heard before. And then I went to another place and the exact same thing happened. I can't even remember what it was that they said because the words were so strange. My Kraft card or something?
What is your vital daily ritual?
TP: I have to check out "The Drudge Report" or else I feel like the morning hasn't started. That's the only thing I do every single day. It's not like I read every single thing. I just want to know if the world is ending.
MS: Like if Rome blew up or something big has happened.
TP: Or if Michael Jackson has been acquitted.
What are your feelings on piracy, internet or otherwise?
TP: I think pirates are awesome. I love that whole era.
MS: There are new pirates now taking over ships in Malaysia or something. But they're not as cool.
TP: If they dressed up like old pirates?
MS: That would be pretty fucking good.
What was your most memorable day job?
TP: A cook at Pizza Hut, just because at the end of the day you could make your own pizza. So I just got really creative and made all these special topping pizzas and take them over to my friend's houses.
MS: You know what's weird? I used to work at Little Caesar's Pizza for a couple of weeks with my friend and we had the keys to the place, so when would all go and get drunk we'd come in at 2:30 in the morning and make pizzas.
How do you spoil yourself?
TP: Oh my God, you should ask us how we don't spoil ourselves. We spoil ourselves in every way imaginable.
MS: I spend so much on food. I eat so well compared to what a normal person should be able to eat.
TP: We probably eat five-star dinners four or five times a week.
MS: It's retarded how well we eat. We've just spent so many years like, "Okay I've got those three dollars for the burrito I'm going to eat tonight and this money is for my pack of smokes." So it's pretty great to just to be able to eat whatever you want whenever you want.
If I wasn't a comedy writer I would be?
TP: I would love to be a crime scene investigator. I'd never be able to do it though because I would just fuck it up. "Body? Yeah, I don't know where I put it. It's somewhere around here I'm sure."
MS: Obviously I would be playing in the NBA. I'm an awesome basketball player, but I just can't do both.
What do you fear most?
MS: That's not a bad fucking fear, I must say.
TP: They're going to freak out and try it again.
MS: That's a great quote that I think Dennis Miller said about the new Pope. He said, "Whenever I see a German in power with throngs of people I start getting nervous." I don't want to judge the German people, but you kind of have to. And I'm especially fucked if they rise again, because I'm a Jew berry. They picked me off the Jew tree.
What makes you want to take it off and get it on?
TP: Waking up, Al Green and Canadian chicks.
What has been your strangest celebrity encounter?
MS: Maybe Kenny and Spenny last night? We got totally wasted with Kenny and Spenny. We're huge fans of the show.
TP: We watched all the episodes and we were basically in a Kenny vs. Spenny episode last night. They're not kidding at all.
MS: It was great actually. It was pretty surreal.
TP: I was at an Academy Awards party once, the year after I wore the dress, and Jennifer Lopez came up and shoved me and walked away. Fucking bitch.
America. Fuck yeah! That's the freedom-fighting message that director/writer Trey Parker and producer/writer Matt Stone deliver in the brilliant Team America: World Police, an epic series of explosions and bad acting performed entirely by marionettes. You might think that this impressive feat must have been an easy project for the South Park creators to execute, with no actors and only miniature sets to construct, but given the amount of frustration it takes to direct a puppet through full-on action sequences, you best not hold your breath for a sequel. "If we knew it was going to be a tenth as hard as it was, we never would have done it," admits Trey Parker. "When we watched old Thunderbirds episodes we wondered why they didn't do anything - it's because they can't do anything," says Matt Stone. "We really underestimated it. We were originally going to do a ten week shoot with one camera. It ended up taking 14 weeks with four cameras. It was excruciating."
While voice-over opportunities abound in such a project, Parker and Stone wanted to save the film's budget for what really mattered most. "We wanted that money on the screen," says Parker. "Nowadays it's like a gold rush for celebrities to get into the voice-over business," adds Stone. "Some people are really good at voices, but they could get anyone to do the voice of the chick in Shrek, not Cameron Diaz for 15 million dollars. That's ridiculous."
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