By Keith Carman"I'm a fucking god from outer space so there's a higher level of quality to be expected. You might as well just fold up shop and get a job at the laundromat when I'm done with you," bellows Oderous Urungus, front-thing for extraterrestrial metal heads Gwar while preparing for his stab at the Exclaim! Questionnaire. With faces this beautiful, there's no mistaking Gwar, those beings "from way past Uranus, buddy." It's hard to believe that these guys have been festooned in paper mache suits and sporting rubber swords for a quarter-century.
As Urungus proudly proclaims though, 11th album Lust In Space (out August 18) does just that: celebrates the 25th anniversary of their liberation from being frozen in Antarctica, released after years of hairspray utilized by cock-rockers depleted the ozone layer enough to thaw them out. More than just a document of their Silver Jubilee though, Lust In Space finds the outfit - completed by guitarists Flattus Maximus and Balsac the Jaws Of Death, bassist Beefcake the Mighty and drummer Jizmak Da Gusha - back on original label Metal Blade Records after years of toiling about and is easily their loudest, lewdest, most lascivious effort since the powerhouse Scumdogs Of The Universe/America Must Be Destroyed/This Toilet Earth trilogy of some 15 years ago. With Lust In Space, Gwar have finally got their collective shit back together again.
What are you up to? Right now we are getting ready to hit the road on the titanic 25th anniversary of Gwar Lust In Space Tour, which starts in September, right after the big release of our new album Lust In Space. Back together with Metal Blade Records: Gwar. We will dominate at a fucking level unlike ever before. It's the greatest fucking record we've ever done. It comes out August 18 with all of the merriment, frivolity and insanity that accompanies that. I'm also the Interplanetary correspondent for Fox News and I'm getting some of my warts drained.
What are your current fixations? Music: it's a tie between the new Gwar album and the new U2 album. Food: I gotta say dead baby pâté, deep baked and rolled in dandruff.
Why do you live where you do? Unlike other bands that get shittier, we just get better album after album. After all, we were frozen solid for 45 billion years and we've been slowly thawing. I think some parts of us deep inside were still frozen until this album. But we've worked out all the kinks and this is the heaviest, coolest shit yet and of course it tells the most epic tale of Gwar returning to outer space and finding that it really sucked. Then we had to come back to Earth because it's the only planet in the universe that's got crack cocaine.
Name something you consider a mind-altering work of art. An orgasm.
What has been your most memorable or inspirational gig and why? I would say when Gwar played Berlin outside at a festival right after the Wall was broken down. It was the first metal gig in East Berlin and after the show, they were trying to rebuild the wall.
What have been your career highs and lows? Career high: first time I smoked crack. I just thawed and I saw this guy Sleazy P. Martini trying to get me to sign a contract. I was just about to rip his head off but he shoved a stem in my mouth and like they say, that first hit of crack is the best. I've been chasing that high ever since. Low? I'd have to say the first time I ever smoked crack because that made me what I am today: a hopelessly enslaved, drug-addicted, ego-massaging, highly eccentric egomaniac wild mutant space barbarian who could probably attain his glorious destiny except for the fact that he is completely addicted to the rock.
What's the meanest thing ever said to you before, during or after a gig? Your penis didn't look as big as last year.
What should everyone shut up about? I don't think people should shut up about anything. I think they should say whatever the fuck they want and that's what you get for living in a free society.
What traits do you most like and most dislike about yourself? I like my soggy skin. I don't like my distended scrotal valve.
What's your idea of a perfect Sunday? Watching Cable Guy like, ten times and then obliterating Tokyo.
What advice should you have taken, but did not? Don't hit that pipe, Oderous. I'm trying to set an example for the kids: drugs are fun and creative and cool and they feel really great...but don't do 'em.
What would make you kick someone out of your band and/or bed, and have you? If you were a dick, but I never have (kicked anyone out) because I'm a complete asshole. If someone's more of a dick than me, then we have a real problem. I am the biggest dick in this band and it's gonna stay that way even if I have to inject collagen into it for a month. If I have to get a sturgeon to barf caviar into my swollen, AIDS-infested membranes so that I have a dick as big as a sturgeon, then that's what I'll do. I don't want that but I'll do it.
What do you think of when you think of Canada? Fucking metal. You know what I love about Canada? People up there support music way more than they do in the States; they've got a way better attitude about things in general. Canada's got a bit more of a Europe thing going on which really reveals America as the shallow, idiotic society that it is. People rock out and there's even an unconfirmed rumour that I, the lead singer of Gwar, came from there in his human life which is complete bullshit but it's also absolutely true. Canada rules because it's the only country that banned us and then welcomed us back with open arms. "Aw fuck it, c'mon back, Gwar!" It was amazing because for a long time, we couldn't get to Canada. They figured out we could go wherever we wanted, so they started giving us bad directions. "It'll take you about seven years but you'll find it. Just stay on land and go North." We love going to Canada but I'm gonna stop now because it's starting to sound as if Oderous actually likes people and I can't have that.
What was the first LP/cassette/CD/eight track you ever bought with your own money? Barry Manilow: "It's A Miracle." It was a 45 rpm with the large hole in the centre.
What was your most memorable day job? Death Camp Attendant on Flab-Quarv 7.
How do you spoil yourself? Mmm...videogames.
If I wasn't playing music I would be... Dead.
What do you fear most? I have no fear! I'm motherfuckin' Oderous!
What makes you want to take it off and get it on? Alyssa Milano. I don't know why but she's always done it for me. She's a fuckin' fox. Alyssa, I love you. Oderous is begging you: just take my call. It'll be all over. I thought I loved Björk but she's just too weird looking. She's getting all fat. C'mon, chill out on the Greenland shark steaks. How many more of these fucking questions are there? This has been going on forever!
You've got four more. Good. Fuckin' hurry up! What has been your strangest celebrity encounter? When we were on The Joan Rivers Show but it wasn't Joan Rivers that was the strangest celebrity encounter. I met Englebert Humperdink. He's Mr. Show Business. He walked away when the light was hottest because that's the way Englebert is. He retired to his country manor and lives the life of a gentleman. We run the hounds together every now and then. It's a beautiful relationship... never sexual but there has been touching.
Who would be your ideal dinner guest, living or dead, and what would you serve them? Dinner guest? Like, for dinner? I would like to eat George Washington's penis. No explanation, I just demand it. Now. George Washington's penis does exist, you know. He's somewhere in a coffin with a penis and I could go get it if I wanted. I should because it would piss a lot of Americans off if I ate George Washington's penis on television.
What does your mom wish you were doing instead? I have no idea. My mother was a petri dish, my father a supercomputer. I've never met my parents. If I did, I'd fuck 'em though. I'd fuck the hell out of 'em. I'm a mommy fucker. That's why they kept her away from me. They knew that. She wanted it too. She was like, "Oderous, please! I'm your mom...fuck me." I wanted it, she wanted it...they separated us. I crawled out of that hulking vagina so I just wanted to go right back in. And then out. And then in. And then out. It's no big deal. Your penis has already been inside of your mother anyway.
What song would you like to have played at your funeral? Oh, what a terrible question! "Sick Of You!"